Here’s a short post:
What do I like about me?
I’m breathing. The end.
That’s it. That’s the post.
I’m not very comfortable discussing what I like about myself.
(Said the woman who writes a blog about everything she does).
Nevertheless, that’s the topic that Bettye Rainwater of FashionSchlub.com has asked the “Where Bloggers Live” group to posit.
Trust me, I’m not mired in self loathing. If you read my drivel regularly, you know I’m forever secretly praising myself in myriad self-deprecating ways.
But I also can’t graciously accept a compliment…even from myself. We’ve discussed this before.
Did I finish a project? Yes. BUT let me point out ALL the flaws (before someone else notices one).
Am I having a good hair day? Sort of, but I feel compelled to note that three or more hairs are always pointing toward Heaven (and don’t we ALL need something to point us to Heaven?).
Do I have THE CUTEST dog? Yes, but he likes to hydrate (or hyDRANT on) my hand sewn draperies.
EVERYTHING comes with a caveat.
You know how some people talk about other people who are chronically unkind to, and hard on themselves? I am the people who create people like that.
Kids watch you. They model what you show them. (In fact, I’ve given one of my kids a master’s degree in Not Showing Gratitude for What God Gave You.)
I’m the world’s best example of that. (Hey, does that technically count as a compliment I can accept?)
Far from it. In fact, hearing my daughter reminds me of a phrase I first heard from fellow blogger Sally in one of her posts: “You can’t hate yourself better.”
It’s one thing to practice a little humility, it’s something entirely different to throw yourself under the bus. Why do we do this to ourselves?!
I recollect, as a kid of 8 or 10 I was ALL IN for compliments. I suspect I believed every single one. And then, while reaching up one day to adjust my fabulous princess crown, I came to the shocking realization that, in actuality, I wasn’t wearing one.
Okay, metaphorically of course.
Somewhere along the way, at least for me, I went overboard in the opposite direction… Perhaps it began when my language teacher told us the French believe saying “thank you” to a compliment means you arrogantly agree with it.
Geez, lady…I just said that’s a nice dress, not that you look like you should be on a magazine cover..
Okay, okay…I like the dress, too. I just don’t want YOU to think I’ve gotten over my skis!
If we’re being honest here (and clearly I am), a little self love is actually a very good thing. Healthy even.
So Bettye’s posited exercise, while a challenge for someone deeply suspicious of self-congratulation, is also an opportunity to say to a particular family member, It’s okay to like things about yourself.
In that spirit…
I like that I have an endless supply of “what if” projects (even if sometimes they might be better categorized as “what if I don’t?”)
WHOOPS!
REWIND. TRY AGAIN:
I like that I have an endless supply of “what if” projects because I like being creative. Period, no apologies.
I like not being afraid to use power tools, and work in my yard; getting dirty, messy and being spectacularly UNgirly sometimes. It makes me feel strong.
I like that I can be silly in public and not care about being judged… (We remember some of the ridiculous pictures I’ve published in some of these posts, right?!)
Whoa…let’s reel it in here…someone is enjoying this a little too much.
For real.
I’ve had enough brushes with hubris to know I’m always one small step away from having that kind of confidence bite me in the as…pirations.
That great dress someone notices? It would be so ME to prance around in it proudly only to discover later that the back was tucked in my underwear. Or that I was so busy feeling great about myself, that I hadn’t noticed the two feet of toilet paper trailing on my shoe.
Been there, done that..and hedging the bet by pointing out my own flaws, thank you very much.
HOWEVER…the very real danger is that you don’t enjoy the dress because you went out of your way to step on the toilet paper yourself.
Maybe there’s a sweet spot between humility and sabotage, confidence and conceit.
And maybe it’s hidden in a very grateful and sincere “thank you.”
________
Something else I like about me? I get to blog once a month with these women!
So, please be sure to visit:
Daenel at Living Outside the Stacks
Bettye at Fashion Schlub
Jodie at Jodie’s Touch of Style
Leslie at OnceUponaTimeandHappilyEverAfterAgain
(Me) and
Sally at Within a World of My Own
Who doesn’t like to peek behind the scenes and see inside people’s homes?
The second Friday of each month is when this group of bloggers link up to share their workspaces,
homes, towns… or whatever our fearless leader, the fabulous Bettye, proposes.
Make sure you visit everyone to see where the magic happens!
I can appreciate pointing out the flaws of something you’ve done before anyone else has a chance to. I would never ever want anyone to think that I thought something I’d done was perfect or that I wasn’t aware of the very obvious flaws!! Yesterday someone complimented me on my dress and I felt compelled to say it was cheap – el cheapo to be exact and from Amazon. Why, oh, why??
I think we didn’t get all the praise back in the day that we ourselves gave our children as they were growing up. So we are used to feeling somewhat less-than. This was a hard assignment, huh? But we rose to the occasion so there’s something to like about us, we are responsible and do what is expected when it is expected.
I think it takes courage for a woman to stand up and say “I like myself because X, Y, Z” with no caveats. It feels like female people are taught from birth in a million ways, subtle and overt, that this is wrong thinking and wrong behavior – it is vanity, it is placing ourselves above others, it is immodest. Practicing accepting a compliment with a genuine “thank you” rather than deflecting or minimizing them sounds like a good way to work against this good-girl socialization.
I always tell people {when they’re being critical of their photos} that we are our harshest critics, but I like Sally’s and your saying better. Consider it adopted. I’ve learned to accept compliments because I like giving them. I think about how good I feel when someone lights up when I tell them I like their dress or their hair — it’s a nice little dopamine hit for both of us, and I want others to feel that rush too. I used to think it was vain. It’s not. We all want to be noticed and appreciated.
That is a GREAT perspective, Daenel!
Your comment about thinking it was vain is SPOT ON! That’s one of my hangups, too! My dad was always warning about that…and ironically HE loved when someone would tell him how young he looked (we used to tease him that he went to bed with a mirror and a flashlight).
And the dopamine hit for the giver and the receiver…lovely perspective!
I found myself giggling and yet shaking my head in agreement with so many things here, Em! We are definitely our own worst critics. I could point out the amazing murals you paint. The beautiful lawn (complete with large chess set) makes me drool every time I catch a glimpse of it. Yet, I know the feeling you have…we just can’t accept those compliments without pointing out the flaws…BECAUSE it’s been drilled into us. Somewhere along the way, we picked up this idea that to congratulate ourselves on an accomplishment was a bad thing. I say…bull…puckey to that! We are fine, fabulous, and full of amazing potential. Now, if the idea is to find things you like about yourself, how about your unwavering belief in knowing you’ll get there eventually. Or, then there’s the unshakeable knowledge that using this there will end up pretty doggone fantastic. Of course, there’s also the fact you have me as a virtual friend…ain’t everybody can say that! I see you, and I raise you two compliments (get that poker reference…don’t feel too bad…I had to ask Mike what it was). I so love your blog and reading anything you write just makes me happy.
https://marshainthemiddle.com/
And here we go, Marsha, right back to where I started!
My first instinct after reading your thoughtful, day-brightening comment was to start going back to old habits: the flaws, the excuses, the potential for “imposter syndrome.”
Bull puckey indeed! (Bull puckey is going to stick, just so you know.)
Thinking about it…that’s TWO offenses. First and less important, not allowing myself to enjoy a sense of accomplishment or even, gasp, pride; and second, dismissing the genuine and sincere offering the complimenter (aka, you) was kind enough to express. Man, that’s like chucking a gift back to a giver.
I love that you came with reinforcements!
I DO have an unwavering belief that i will get there eventually (as seen in the two still-waiting-to-be-recovered chairs that used to be in my kitchen.
I DO have the (reasonable) confidence that it will either turn out okay (or I will have learned something from it…close enough, haha)
I DO VERY MUCH celebrate that I have you as a virtual friend!
AND (you actually snuck in a third, there) it fills my heart and makes me smile gratefully to read that you love my blog and that my writing makes you happy.
What an incredible virtual friend you are!
You can’t hate yourself better…that is SO true.
And of course you made me giggle…and I’m so glad that you blog with us.
Here’s to a fabulous woman (I’m talking about you)
XOXO
jodie
Honestly…when I read that quote in Sally’s post it completely stopped me in my tracks. And, you, of course, made me think about how girls pick that up from their mothers (in one of your much earlier posts or a comment, I can’t remember which… but I know it was from you.)
Both landed hard, and with good reason.
I think it’s one of the great things about this little online community of ours, having the opportunity to collect a little wisdom from each other while stepping outside of ourselves.
AND… THANK YOU for the lovely compliment. 🥰