I spent $35 on a Milk Moustache

I have a VERY big birthday this month…according to some.

According to me, however, I’m only one year older than last year. AND, I’m still one year younger than next year.

So NBD.

I don’t get hung up on the numbers. I’m truly just happy to be here, sharing my drivel with the five or six of you who pop by and skim my wordy posts. (Thank you, btw.)

I am NOT a fan, however, of my latest self portrait:

Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating… a little.

There are definitely some visible results of aging that do bother my fragile ego… To date, I haven’t injected anything, and don’t often try products because if there was a miracle cure, I’d have heard about it.

Then I saw this woman and her extremely viral video where a miracle happens before your very eyes!

You can watch it here:

After viewing the clip, I couldn’t plunk down my $35 fast enough. In fact, I left the back door wide open, hopped in my car, ran three stop signs, did 60 in a 30 and raced to my local Ulta, which alleged to have this miracle in stock. Alas, it was NOT. Fake news.

Instead, I whipped out my phone, ordered a tube, and w a i t e d like everyone else.

Not really. I harassed the mailman every day, shaking him by the ankles until the tube of miracles fell out of that thieving bastard’s pocket. Withhold my ethereal FirmX eye serum?!! I don’t think so!

I raced to my bathroom, slopped it all over my face (okay, I carefully dabbed as directed). Then I waited for 40-year old me to reappear. I held very still, as expressionless as I could while feeling a tightening sensation occur.

Actually, It felt like crazy glue was drying on my face (not that I’ve TRIED crazy glue on my face…but let’s not rule anything out…. Also, don’t put crazy glue on your face. That was a joke. But if you’ve tried it and it works, call me.)

Since I was DEFINITELY experiencing a tightening sensation. I got greedy…surprise…and started dabbing it in all kinds of places on my face. And suddenly EVERYTHING felt like it was tightening, which is likely impossible, unless my face was shrinking two sizes. I have a large head, so let’s just say that might not be a bad thing.

Motionless, I waited as directed. And yes, there was noticeable improvement.

That improvement would have likely lasted had I REMAINED expressionless for the rest of my young-looking day. But I broke all the rules. I smiled, stretched, squinted. And much of the crazy glue on my face turned to miniscule bits of translucent facial confetti.

THEN, I took another self portrait:

After I smiled, my upper lip was flaking with FirmX remnants that looked like I enjoy drinking milk. A lot. …As if I immersed all the space up to my nose in the glass while drinking it.
SO pretty.

I did my best to follow the directions and clearly went quite a bit off-guide here and there. But I will say there were no FirmX eye miracles for me. Sigh.


I did end up with an excellent faux milk mustache, glazed donut jowls and all the ingredients to look like i eat powdered donuts without using my hands.

The photos completely undersell the in-person glazed donut effect.


But younger? Nope. It did cause me to count my blessings instead

of my wrinkles.
It is what it is…

I haven’t parted with the tube yet, and have occasionally played with it, with very temporary, somewhat disappointing results.
Which is why (wait for it)… it currently resides…

IN MY JUNK DRAWER!

Yep, that’s the theme of this month’s “Where Blogger’s Live” post: “What’s in your Junk Drawer.”

I’ve been trying to keep my junk drawers tidy. Here’s a picture from our “How I organize” post:

And here is the same drawer today:

Fairly impressive, thanks to the organizers I bought from Amazon. Mr used to say that all our drawers were “junk drawers”; but I’ve been on a mission this year.


I also bought an organizer for our glasses drawer:

And found larger ones for my cabinets.


So, yes, I still continue to amass junk… but it’s at least now it’s an orderly collection of useless crap.

Feeling voyeuristic? You can peek into the drawers of my friends (Wow! That sounds obscene.) by visiting:

Daenel at Living Outside the Stacks
Bettye at Fashion Schlub
Em at Dust and Doghair
Leslie at Once Upon a Time & Happily Ever After 
Iris at Iris’ Original Ramblings
Jodie at Jodie’s Touch of Style

Welcome to the monthly edition of Where Bloggers Live, the brainchild of FashionSchlub’s Bettye Rainwater.  It’s kind of like HGTV’s “Celebrities at Home,” but…Bloggers! Who doesn’t like to peek behind the scenes and see inside people’s homes? Join us every second Friday of the month as this group of six bloggers shares their stories, spaces, homes, and more!

Make sure you visit everyone to see where the magic happens!

11 comments

  1. Haha I love the pivot into the junk drawer topic. Masterful! I’ve also bought that same miracle cream and I, too, was disappointed. You would think I would learn, but I’m like Mulder. I want to believe!

    1. I still think you need a post on your regimen! Your skin is beautiful!!!
      I also want to believe. You would think science could figure it out!!

  2. Oh my, your ‘unorganized junk drawer’ looks so much better than my current junk drawer.

    I hear you about the wrinkle cream though – I’ve bought a few of those kinds of things over the years – enough to know NOT to buy any of them again.

    And, btw – you look amazing! Thanks for sharing.
    Iris

    1. I’ve definitely been working at the drawer thing, Iris. I’m usually such a stasher… I’m pretty sure it’s genetic for me, haha.
      I really need to not search for creams or serums…I just keep thinking one of them will someday work.
      And thanks for the compliment… you should have seen the 32 rejected photos, haha… They looked just like me. 🤪

  3. I got so excited…I had PC watch the video of the woman with the bags under her eyes. Dang!! Only to be fooled again. You are perfect just the way you are. Besides…I don’t even see any bags under your eyes so the purchase of this hocus pocus was totally unnecessary. I keep saying I am going to start a skin regimen, and I do START them, and then I quit. I guess I don’t care enough about not being wrinkled to do something about it.

    Good job on keeping up the junk drawers. I like the addition of the mad money!! And your glasses organization is superb. Like Jodie, I find my glasses to be multiplying as my need for glasses increases. Now along with bags under my eyes, I have lines from squinting. Oh dear.

    1. Jodie is actually the reason I needed a glasses organizer, haha! I wear my specs most of the time and have started ordering inexpensive pairs from Zenni so I can change up my look. They’re way less expensive than some of my jeans and are more prominent (except for the back of my jeans…that’s always prominent).
      I bought the tube of hocus pocus for the bags OVER my eyes…which is one of the places you’re not supposed to use it, Had to try, as I am ever the optimist when it comes to miracles I can buy for $35.
      Then I started trying it everywhere else. I do wonder if the lady in the video leaves the house wearing it…and has trained herself to remain expressionless. That’s just too much work for me! Wearing glasses is easier!

  4. My husband popped over before I had a chance and was confused with your mustache story. I had to explain to him the way real storytellers tell a story, haha!!
    I’ve used a product like that (out of business now), so I know EXACTLY what you are talking about.
    As for the junk drawer, it’s very very impressive. I swear your entire cupboards look amazing.
    Of course, my glasses seem to be reproducing and overfilling my organizing container…how did that happen???

    XOOX
    Jodie
    http://www.jtouchofstyle.com

    1. Aw, so nice of Rob to visit! Glad he had a translator handy, haha!
      I’ve had soooo many “collections” in too many drawers… Trying to get better about throwing things out. It does seem that the minute I create a space, someone fills it. But at least I’m getting better at tossing things.
      As for the glasses, I have YOU to thank. Zenni might now be the place I shop at the most! Love being able to switch up my specs regularly. My family is catching on to it as well! Sometimes they aren’t what I hoped, but they’re still inexpensive enough to take an occasional chance. 😘

  5. Ooh. I need organizing bins and dividers! I KNOW that…but then I look at the price of them and I’m like…never mind. I can be sloppy and disorganized for free 🙂

    I did used to do some kind of magic with shoeboxes but.

    I DO like how you swapped scotch tape for wrinkle cream 🙂

    And maybe the right side of my newly-neatened “scent/memory drawer” can be a glasses thingy like you have now that I somehow own more than 1 pair of glasses!

    xoxo Bettye

    1. Haha. Just a quickie bc im on the road, but im glad you caught the tape connection, haha. I felt like they were somehow in the same category. They both feel the same on my face 😂!

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